I'm very bad at music; I'm bad at instruments, I'm bad at singing, I'm bad at listening to music. My iPod is always 75% full of audiobooks and the only playlist on my iPhone is called 'Music for when my audiobook ends'. My music collection consists almost entirely of Ben Folds, Taylor Swift, Kate Bush and this song by LFO which me and brother will go the grave insisting is the best song ever written. However over the last few months I've had two songs on constant repeat.
There are a lot of songs about depression, next to love and yellow submarines I'd say it was one of the most sung about topics, but for me often songs about sadness and depression aren't great for my mood when I'm actually feeling sad and depressed. But these two songs... well. I'm not actually sure why I write this blog when these two songs exist. For me, they sum up pretty much everything I want to say about everything in life, and the people singing them don't even have to speak the words to the songs.
The first is A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley. It's the most beautiful and truthful description of what it feels like to have waves of deep depression that I've ever come across (although I'm sure there are lots out there) and this verse in particular is my favourite. My and one of my best friends (who also suffers from horrible things but is one of the best people on earth and has a beautiful blog which you can read here) can spend hours talking about how amazing we're going to be once we feel better, and daydreaming about your life when you are 'better' can be dangerous as I think we can all admit that no one on earth is 100% sane. But sometimes it's also a great thing to think about and one of the only things that can bring you hope. And I love the way this song talks about that.
And sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on And your friends they sing along and they love you But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap And it teases you for weeks in it's absence But you'll fight and you'll make it through You'll fake it if you have to And you'll show up for work with a smile You'll be better you'll be smarter And more grown up and a better daughter Or son and a real good friend You'll be awake and you'll be alert You'll be positive though it hurts And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends You'll be a real good listener You'll be honest, you'll be brave You'll be handsome, you'll be beautiful You'll be happy
And the second is I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers, a song I've tweeted about so many times it's almost a joke and is actually the current ring tone on my phone. I think one of the things people who get really sad don't like to admit sometimes (or maybe this is just me?) is that actually often the thought of getting better is pretty scary. It's all you want in the world but sometimes it feels too hard or too daunting or just too overwhelming. So having something that makes you realise you how much you do want to get there, how much you do want to get better, is an amazing thing to have. This song isn't as specifically about the things I've experienced as the other one but every time I hear the chorus I want to cry. Because I do really want to get better. And this is the best reminder.
I didn’t know I was lonely 'til I saw your face I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better
Okay there you go, I'm done talking about music. It's something I never in a million years thought I would write about on this blog as I find people who talk about music properly, very scary and intimidating but I couldn't not put these two songs on here. Listen to them, or don't, or listen to half of them and then switch to Orange is The New Black. And if you have any personal depression anthems please tell me in the comments or on Twitter or by carrier pigeon or even a message in a bottle. I would love to hear your suggestions.
Hope you are having a good day.